What you want isn’t really what you want.

Jose Hernandez
3 min readMar 20, 2021


For the past few weeks, I’ve had the assumption that what I wanted was something I wanted. Then I learned that my decisions in life were influenced by my parents and my circumstances.

Photo by Yasin Yusuf on Unsplash

If I was born with any other place or time, my own being would be far different that the being I am now.

But it wasn’t just my parents that influenced me. My teacher, the shows that I watched, the people that I followed on Instagram and and the people I saw on Youtube all had a play on it.

Each person nudging me towards something I thought I though I wanted. It turns out that when you begin to question what you want, you begin to go into that depression stage when you begin questioning life.

A whole bunch of things need to come out but we’re too busy in our lives now in days to spend half an hour to a couple of minutes with our thoughts.

This is the reason why zipp to our phones when we return home. We don’t just make it t habit to pick it up, we are scared to be left alone with our thoughts.

You’ve probably seen those shows where people are isolated in a space for a certain amount of time without internet or tv. If not go watch some.

Most people don’t manage to stay sane that long. They break just a few hours in, or worse, minutes.

Some people managed by doing something artsy. Other talked into a camera while some talked to themselves.

Something I would do is meditate.

Something I not to long ago in situations like this is to create something like the experiments above.

It’s called a dopamine fast where you spend the whole day without doing anything that causes dopamine. Or just stop doing fun stuff.

You are allowed to do one thing… well a few… eat bland food, drink water, and write.

The whole premise of this idea is to be left alone with your thoughts. You are allowed to write them down because this helps form ideas and bring forth hidden clues within them.

Of course doing this takes some planning to do. That means talking with your parents or family members, or significant other and such so that you can make time to do it. And if you live alone, this is perfect for you.

The whole idea of this is to begin to question your reality, your beliefs, your decisions in life, and even feel feeling that haven’t been shown.

I feel like mostly “Intelligent” people would do this thought. It’s hard to define intelligent..

This is all for now. I you want to hear form me again fallow me for topics such as Why society seems wrong or How my form of communism might save the world.



Jose Hernandez

Creator of Pentopaper.org, writer, blogger, and most importantly, anime watcher/reviewer cus why not?